Just Because

You rush home from work and visit a moonlit beach… just because.

You’re driving a country road, late in the day, and pull over to watch the sunset…

Things didn’t turn out the way you expected, but you still envision happiness…

You long for a Caribbean vacation when the days are short…

The kids are crazy, but you want one more…

You haven’t smoked in years and feel like lighting up…

The world gets more complicated, but you try to keep up…

You love that song, so you play it again…

We accept that “it is what it is”, but we want something different…

Relationships don’t last, but friendships do…

just because.

Good News | Bad News

You were at the greatest party ever | You just woke up on the floor

Work is fast-paced and dynamic | Work is fast-paced and dynamic

You buy that fancy, new car | You have to make the payments

You win the lottery | You have to pay the taxes

Your girlfriend sleeps over | There’s makeup on the pillow cases

Dinner is the best you ever had | The bill is the most you ever paid

You fly to a resort in a warm, sunny place | Your luggage is in Cleveland

Life is a long, strange trip | Life is a long, strange trip

Time for a Donut

The New Year’s resolutions are locked in. Three weeks into the new year, you now have quiet permission to have a donut.

If you go to Dunkin’ Donuts, be on the lookout for the rarely seen, legendary Butternut Blueberry donut. Clocking in at 420 calories… well, let me just say this: If you’re going down, go down in flames with this beauty.

Me, I’m a jelly donut guy. Pedestrian? Yes. But don’t skimp me on the jelly. There’s nothing I hate more than having to eat half the donut before hitting the jelly load. You’ve heard of road rage? It’s nothing compared to not enough jelly rage. Wars have started that way, I think.

Props have to be given to be given to the Krispy Kreme old-fashioned glazed donut. This is still the gold standard in the industry. Get ’em hot. Look for the Hot Light. No we’re not at DEFCON 5, but hot donuts ARE coming out of the oven. At 190 calories, I think you can have two.

You know, the late fitness guru Jack LaLanne used to say he can’t die because it would ruin his image. Before he died though, he said “A lot of people have a donut and coffee for breakfast. That diet would kill your dog. Why do that to yourself?”

I tell ya why Jacko: It tastes really good. And, it’s only one day. Still, saying that has me wallowing in a sea of guilt. Would you believe it? Would you believe a pond? Okay, a puddle.

If I may digress a moment – and I will – we have a robot on Mars. We have lasers to repair eyesight; remove tattoos and body hair and lord knows what else. We have virtual reality retina displays. And yet, yet we can’t invent a healthy donut.

The dream of a healthy donut will probably not be realized in my lifetime. Until then I give myself – and you, gentle reader – permission to eat a donut tomorrow.

One jelly and a large regular coffee please.

 

Favorite Chuck Norris “Facts”

Let’s face it. He is one of the last of the good guys. He’s a square and proud of it. He has looked the same for 50 years and his martial arts journey is now bordering on the mystical.

It’s dying down a little, but Chuck Norris factoids are still a popular internet phenomena. Even Chuck Norris has embraced it on his website chucknorris.com.

  • If you stare at the American flag long enough, a 3-D image of Chuck Norris will appear.
  • There are no such things as tornadoes – Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
  • Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to The Force: The light side, the dark side and Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can seen from space.
  • Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick once broke the speed of light. His foot went back in time and crashed Amelia Earhart’s plane over the Pacific.
  • A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is responsible for that fact. If you ask him about it, he will just stare at you grimly.
  • Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  • Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  • Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
  • Aliens do exist, but they are waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

There are more “facts”, but these are some of the family friendly ones Mr. Norris would approve.

Here’s to you Chuck. Keep on kicking.

Thumbs Down to Thumbs Up

Thumbs up or thumbs down go back at least to the times of the Roman Gladiators. I saw it in Gladiator the movie. It must be true. Yes, I like gladiator movies. Thumb up by the emperor, you live. Thumb down, you’re dead.

I think the next common usage was among post-war aviators and astronauts. They would give a thumbs-up signaling they were ready to go.

I remember in the 90’s, a colleague gave me a thumbs up on the successful implementation of software application. I kind of liked that. Today you can get a thumbs up over almost anything that meets someone’s approval.

Little Joey eats his broccoli for the first time. Thumbs up!

You complete a complex spreadsheet for the boss ahead of schedule. Boss gives you the thumbs up! Now get back to your cubicle Excel-droid.

Tee ball player gets a participation trophy. Thumbs up, Sparky!

Significant other cooks dinner. Woo-hoo! Thumbs up baby!

I changed a diaper. I cleaned the gutters. I woke up early on a Saturday. Wow! Thumbs up!

Why do we have to use those pesky phrases like “that’s great” or “good job” or “way to go”; why do we even have to speak when we have thumbs up emoji or an overused hand gesture at our disposal?

Personally, I would like to bring back the “a-okay”. If I do good, just give me one of these: